The piece of me that’s missing
Listen I couldn’t hear it before
Like the certain scuffle of a tripod tripping behind me
Lose a finger, stronger the hand
Lose a hand, stronger the arm
But I can’t remember what I’ve lost
All I got, costly lingering doubt of phantom pains
The piece of me that’s missing
See, I couldn’t’ believe it before
25 April 2005 @ 02:47 pm lost tori amos tickets After spending a week in my local post office, the local postmaster dude said the 2 tickets I bought off of ebay for $210 were officially lost. Of course he didn't call me back until yesterday night. He did say that if I ever needed a favor from the post office, just to name it. While my mind considered the possibilities of that, all my heart said was TORI TORI TORI . The ebay seller was unable to get the tickets re-issued and refunded my money. Overall the situation has been hellish, I'm finally graduating from UCLA this year after 7 years, and it's really all due to Tori, well I should say RAINN. As a high school student running away from home was a past time, but it wasn't until I called RAINN that I got help. RAINN hooked me up with a local counselor who while being unable to fix anything in my family, did write a letter to UCLA stating my familial situation…which allowed me to be considered "independent", thereby getting full financial aid from UCLA. So basically Tori saved my life and got me an education at the same time. So yeah I'd nearly sell my soul to see her at UCLA’s Royce Hall. Gonna go wait in line at the royce hall box office, people on the forumz are saying they've been releasing tickets right before the show, so we'll see…
01 May 2005 @ 02:25 am Did I make the Tori Amos concert? I did! The whole night was such an amazing, nearly orgasmic blur I've been humming along on a golden glow all week! I ended up offering someone $100 cash for an aisle orchestra seat with a perfect sight line to tori…and then I was one of those hated few who went down to the makeshift pit during the encore. Usually I would never do so, but seeing her at Royce Hall was like a once in a lifetime deal yo! Got close enough to see feel her sweat while she hammered the hell outta Sweet the Sting, it was fantastic! Another great experience was chatting up Amy Lee of Evanescence in the line for crappy UCLA cookies. It was awesome and big thanks to everyone who sent me a kind note or well wishes regarding my troubles with the post office! I still have to battle with the dude on eBay, he put a "unpaid" strike on my eBay account after he refunded my money…I would warn others away from concert ticket re-sellers on eBay, but I've gotten tons of good tickets that way . I still have a "favor" with my local post office, and will be looking into possibilities…stamps? packing tape? god…what else DOES the post office carry? LOL.
Myspace Friends I've destroyed every relationship, every friendship with the need for more love and more affection, because in my early years it wasn't there in the right way. I've just read a letter from a friend, about 8 years old. When I had just left for UCLA and come out as bisexual and told him, my longest running friend since 6th grade? He replied with love and affection, good will and support. He asked for help with his UC applications. I instead hoped again, that he indeed would be my long lasting connection. Sound familiar? So I called him back, and he was with his new girlfriend and I got upset cause I thought him signing Love, was quite the sign. He didn't understand and I got angrier and angrier and we never really talked again. I made up reasons in my head why he wasn't worth it to work out, why it didn't make sense to try and be friends when I was in college and he in his Sr. high school year. And now as I look over his letter, I see more of what I refused to read back then. This is the kid who stood up for me when the bullies could have picked on him. We developed as we saw countless films and I learned about knowing men from him. He was strong and came from a family with a few issues. As he looked out for me, I learned about sacrifices for friends (and free fries) by trying (ever so awkwardly) for him. I dreamed of making movies and dissecting intermittent Tarantino together right next to each other. In the end, after much time with no contact, I kept on wondering so I started calling his parents house and leaving messages, every so often starting in like '01. FAITH Um, this is Faith Atwater. I knew Dre a little back when, hoped I might reach him.
I never got a call back, but when I visited my home once again for the first time in 5 years I left him a letter on his parent's stoop. And so I found out that he was still with same girlfriend, had gone and become an Army Ranger and went off to war, Afghanistan and Iraq. Shocking cause I always thought him a hardcore Dem, but I also knew him as a man with loyalty to spare; for freedom, good will and a college education to boot, he figured good deal. I think he had tried to call or email, but I always was in another place, wrong numbered rings — you forget how easy it is to know someone so well and then not at all. Talking to him felt like coming back from the dead, that numbing loss of time and space due to consequence; own foolish, selfish, reacting, detracting actions. Not got a really good end to this, it's not like I'm better than you, or anyone else. Me and this once dearest friend are friends on Myspace. Not that we talk. Not that I talk to him.
INT. FAITH’S ROOM – NIGHT