I am glad for change, though sometimes it’s the scariest thing and the highest ledge. But ya know what, you’re either WORKING IT or getting WORKED, all depends on how you SEE…so jump I say. (LIL BIT OF NOTHING…) You smell like a home I belong to

it’s been a long fucking week. I just keep flashing back to yesterday when my grandpa said my name for the first time since his stroke, and he was able to say his name too…and then he started bawling. It’s so ridiculously hard to not cry every freakin day goddamn it, it’s fucked up. And we’re all with the bright faces and big smiles, but it’s like he’s was so unhealthy besides this stroke that he had very lil time left regardless. So to see him in constant pain and suffering is complete bullshit. It is certain that family prescence helps him a lot, the support and love is important, but very hard. Especially when i want to be there with him and feel guilty that i’m doing something else. ah well. 11 July 2004 @ 01:15 am My Life

climb down the fence, tilted head in wonder what sound is that i hear? growing, growing growling groans can’t you feel it in your bones? I prolly made a mistake today by doing something I’ve known not to do. But I wanted to. Oddly enough, I also did something today I’ve wanted to do for a long time, even tho I couldn’t. Late last night I went to Venice Beach and wrote:

Dear family, new, old and dear friends! Just an update from Faith! I’ll be walking in UCLA’s Lavender Graduation, one of the country’s biggest Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual* and Transgender graduations! Saturday, June 18 2005!!! Save the date! I’m also psyched (and terrified) to be planning a Science Fiction/Fantasy Tsunami Fundraiser at UCLA, EnigmaCon 2005! EnigmaCon 2005 combines academia and fan culture to produce exciting panel discussions, media demos, gaming tournaments, vendors, movies and music, all for TSUNAMI RELIEF! EnigmaCon guests include: Babylon 5 creator J. Michael Straczynski, Battlestar Galactica executive producer, Ronald D. Moore, Star Trek actor Walter Koenig (Chekov), co-creators of the Disney Channel hit Kim Possible, Elfquest creator Wendy Pini, game designers from Sony Playstation’s “God of War”, “Neverwinter Nights II” and “World of Warcraft”, Reverend Piyananda of the Dharma Vijaya Buddhist Vihara Temple in LA and the musical band Warp 11. REGISTRATION NOW OPEN! http://www.enigmacon.org I’m also super excited to be starting my own business, a educational e-commerce venture, imgoingtocollege.org. I’ve been working with high school students helping them get into college for nearly 10 years now. I hope my experience plus a large developing market for secondary educational services will allow for good income while I continue to write poetry, screenplays and creative non-fiction. I recently was also awarded poetry.com’s “Editor’s Choice” award for March 2005. My poem, Slow, will be published in an International Library of Poetry book and read “professionally” and put on a CD called The Sounds of Poetry. Check out some of my poetry at: http://www.geocities.com/thefayth/ownart.html The Warmest Wishes AND Much Love To All! Faith

My grandmother learned to speak after a lifetime of childhood blues She teaches, patchworks and refines

Went without a hitch. I got an award, the Ezekiel Zeke Weber Award for Excellence in Activism and Education. Or something like that, my grandmother yanked the certificate out of my hands, but I’ll scan it or something as well. Who needs paper files! Anyways, my dad came late but the rest of my family and friends of family and friends of me were there. I was so glad to be done. Very fricking glad. I had a larger amount of turnout than I’d hoped or expected and got to spend some quality time with people. We had like 25 or something over to Acapulco’s in Westwood. ALL MY SIBLINGS IN ONE ROOM! Not sure that’s ever happened before. It was great. Beck’s just got back from her first year at Baylor and has become “anti”. She can go into great length on what sucks but at the same time tries to stay REALLY positive. She’s still with the God thing, but is decidedly cool. Danny’s on his way to becoming the man, got the nice clothes, hardworking ethic AND cell phone belt clip. Positively helpful and awesome, pops in with, “Well, what you need to do is…” at any given point, lol. Christina’s happy as heck with her 2 daughters at home, she’s planning lots of upcoming activities like swimming lessons and cheerleading, and both her daughters, my baby nieces!, are so sweet and pretty and smart! Sarah’s so pretty, she astounds me with her gift for helping people. She’s amazing with animals and makes the most amazing stuff, when you see her you DO NOT think she’s as young as she is. Her sense of style is just so defined and elegant. Deb’s emo. She’ll protest that she’s not, but I think she kinda likes exploring the dichotomies of punk, post punk, and emo. She’s a pretty awesome young lady and has a boyfriend now! HOLY HELL. Kid was cute and looked decent in his yearbook portrait, so I suppose I won’t hunt him down just yet, lol. Debs rocking the nets and is on Myspace. Seems like everyone’s on MySpace. Even me. TheFayth. Tony’s going to Clark Atlanta in the fall and was part of an awesome year in basketball and volleyball. He’s going to Japan to play volleyball, this summer! I’ve heard he’s not so excited. He’s in for the time of his life and he has no idea, I can’t wait to hear about what happens, he’s gonna have a pretty fracking good time. MY MOM AND DAD IN THE SAME ROOM Well that one’s obviously happened before. But it doesn’t happen to often, so I was glad that both my parents were there. It was really nice. My grandmother couldn’t make it, she’s still flat on her back after the stroke and the whole deal was too much, but family and friends came back to the house after dinner and we hung out eating see’s candies and discussing the finer points of gender expression, racial politics, interview tactics and film. Mom: They’re doing a lot of these beginning movies. Batman Begins. Darth Vader. Faith: Huh? Mom: You know like they showed how he became Darth Vader. Faith: Ah, yeah I think they call that genesis stories, “origin” stories. Yeah I guess you’re right. There’s also Smallville. Mom They’re making movies out of what we used to call plot development.

Taking a “client” to an audition today. He’s the fucked up kid brother of a good friend, and has wonderful magnetism, so I suggested he try out for a reality show! Unfortunately I need to drive him there… why not become a full service agent! I wonder how many people know that I’ve nearly memorized Jerry Maguire. Prolly should watch it again tonite…we’ll see what happens. With me going on auditions myself, maybe I’ll even hook something. I’m not the type to want to be on-camera, odd huh? One would think I adore attention and love to be personable and involved, the life of the party. But on-camera, well, everyone looks bad on-camera to me. Like everyone, even most movie stars and what they have to do TO NOT look bad on camera, is ridiculous. But whatever, I’d settle for being the stereotype at this point. Not because I’d like to be the next Omorosa or whatever, but just ’cause I’d enjoy keeping people on their toes. Non-Stop Fun and Action. She’s a Liberal. She’s Gay. She’s Bi? She’s Black. She’s Racist. She’s an “Oreo”. She’s got an accent? I do! But it’s just not an accent, it’s an accent less accent. Not so much an accent but a rural type speech pattern acquired in the rural areas of Cali…frack. SLO’s not REALLY rural, it’s just weird. Freaking castles and cobblestones, I kid you not…anyways, just babbling, gotta get going. Plenty of phone calls to make before I have to leave…

So I was cast in a reality show! A reality poetry show?! Well, they told me at the start of filming Saturday that this show is not about poetry per say, but about one girl’s journey to learn more about herself…so I’m like ok, so I’m an extra, right! Screw that! I’m not staying late I’ve got to get to a wedding! So I leave and then the girl who it’s about calls me and asks if we can hang out and this is on the way to SD on Saturday, so I’m like Ok, sure alright, lemme call you laters…then the prod. co. calls me on Monday wanting to come to MY house and film everyone hanging out and chilling…but they buy the food and drinks and pay for cleaning, so I’m hella cool with that.

Bruno was very kind to me throughout the entire shoot. He, Carmen and Rose are still and will always be close to my heart. Coming from a multi-cultural background (both my parents married white after having me) I already seen white folk embarrass themselves a bit, but I saw much of Bruno’s comments to be based in a desire to KNOW and really try and understand. For many who come from an immigrant background, the African American struggle against racism seems less than real. Overt racism doesn’t exist as much we can all agree…but for the most part the separate but equal segregation (at times self-segregation) that has sprung into our midst = the new racism. I highly suggest a great book, How the Irish Became White, for in depth analysis of what the American Melting Pot really means. So, no I never wanted to strangle Bruno. Even when he said comments I didn’t agree with, like recently I heard him remark that reverse racism might be the same as regular old run of the mill “majority rules” racism. I disagree. BUT, that he asks the question makes my heart soar, because here is the answer to the question folks! Asking! Opening a discourse! Having arguments! Finding a way to see how we are the same EVEN AS we embrace our differences. This is possible…and hopefully you and I / all of us can lead the way. Here’s a lil poem then, I HAPPILY CROSS THE LINE AGAIN AND AGAIN A year later the nine public pools in Baton Rouge closed after the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that segregation of park facilities was unconstitutional. “It was all so long ago. I never oppressed anyone. My parents never oppressed anyone. We didn’t own slaves…” It’s not about that, I reiterate. Remember the swimming pools that your parents may have frolicked in? A nice dinner out, trips to museums, to church, to the ballpark, to the zoo? There too if allowed, African Americans were in the back, came during “colored hours”, waited in the “colored line”, sat in “the colored section”, and lived lives entirely at another’s discretion Where no lines could be drawn? Swimming pools and schools. Places of unsure action where friends and comrades might be made Remember to celebrate MLK Day and enlightenment itself difference and betterment for, by and to both white and black We celebrate for that

and not an African American female as well? I don’t have a problem remaining whole, but for television it’s a bit trickier. We know editors and producers have more than just an index card listing proper stereotypes of people, whether they be colored or queer. There’s drama and the story to be found within it, for one of the greatest industries in America the proof remains in the pudding – will people watch? In reality television, the bar moves to and fro, with everyone excited to get their entertainment on. What will Diddy say next to the new band? Who will the fierce Ms. Tyra remold today? Boundaries of good taste expand to include moments of mortification and frustration at frightening heights – but in the end We All Learn Something. Heartened by searches for excellence and quests for courage, the American public loves it in reality TV too!