As a child, I killed my abuser in my head
over and over. Sometimes I drained him,
sometimes he boiled, Sometimes he died
twice in one dinner.
When I licked my knife, I would smile at him.
He'd bark, Faith stop threatening me!
And I'd smile and wait, knowing some day some day

To be honest, I never wanted to kill him
I wanted to chop off his stinky white dick
The penis he'd pressed against my face
on every car ride where he'd used to come,
As a little girl, all I wanted was
my stepdad’s dick for a shelf.

I took as many of those front seat rides that I could.
We all did, I think; trying so hard to protect each other. Years go by and I'm the only one who can remember. Living with hyperthymesia means remembering that fuck
But them others with no life partners and their drug habits to keep them company, I guess they still feel that dick against their cheek too.

I'm lucky, quite. Hundreds of molestations, even thousands, but it wasn't until elementary school that they got up inside me, and then it was always, always Black women and men, not the white guy who'd molested me; joy. Torture raped by a girl from church by 11, but it wasn’t until four Black guys gang raped me at 14, that I started to fight back, and enjoyed the weeks of fear I subsequently reigned down on them, their families, and jr high people they barely knew. When you hurt me, I will be your terror.

I learned how to destroy people online, and at home. I learned to infiltrate and get as close as I could, straight up salivating, as their concern became happiness over our perceived friendship; because my goodness, how much feeling can I get when the knife slips in, and when they were destroyed, so too, a bit of the fear they'd ever be able to slip more fingers in.

At the same time I didn't let darkness take my whole heart, and when one of four group rapists came crying to me years later, I prayed with him while on my break at Mcds and sought with him forgiveness. I explained to him, I could not give it; but I believed Jesus would see him. And added him on Facebook for like a couple decades. For I understood his culpability was due to cowardice, and having been in rooms where I cowered, I feel him on this. If I can have sympathy for someone who held me down and helped ripped my world from me, who can't I try to forgive?

It was a different world I grew up in. One where you could pretend to be a little boy because your dad beat you so, and not mean nothing, and then get called the world's biggest predator, when you ain't did nothing wrong Michael Jackson. See all them images of Elizabeth Taylor, and wonder if violet eyes really could have missed that along with decades of prior history, before the rise of internet journalism.

This too my failure, for I tried, but might have just not participated. Instead I was part of the system. Instead I blogged and traded information, and sometimes I narc'd when I had to. I'd report people to their bosses, or send fantastic group emails that would next see whole companies liquidated. But over and over I failed, possibly as much as I thrived.

Didn’t I tell Jack Ma, yeah I’ll help you launch this Alibaba site and give you my best ideas but it’s not gonna go well re China all the way back in 1997, 1998?

But let me quickly name my earliest fail, right up there with my childhood argument with Rosa Parks is that time I'm a teen at the pay phone calling Selena's family to report I had a fight with this obsessive woman who was saying terrible things on the online forums in the early nineties. Had to keep calling back as all I had was quarters, and bros laughed at me and said whatever, why don't you try and take care of you? I shrugged and stopped fighting, turned my bike to ride back home down Los Osos, SLO.

I thought then and still feel, they were in the midst of a storm, and like I've seen too many times, they let the very wrong one in. It's hard to trust a stranger sometimes over closer danger. This is another reason I can no longer hide, it's better I am open in all that I am, or as much as I can legally, versus have any maintain power, using false stories of me.

What a failure, I really felt bad about that Selena and I wasn't even allowed to drive yet, so when another rising Latina reminded me of her, I became JLO's greatest fan and when google broke the internet with that dress, I had already posted it first. On occasion, the tech companies would come knocking and say, would you consider working here, and I didn't figure I could. Not with near thousands of old emails and different social accounts, not with all my shenanigans of leveraging real people to express thoughts of mine, in hopes of change.

I been fucking with your internet since 84
I made my home here first
And mfs I’ll be taking it back with zero cool
I am black bloc, I am anonymous, occupy and Black Lives Matter, and also Moms For Liberty sure, but being online for forty years mean anytime someone start something I was already there.

Let me be the most honest now: if talking to a cartel can help me prove the women missing wasn't them, I know who to call, and have the contacts saved to my memory. Not only have I negotiated with criminals, I believe them to have far more honor than politicians, journalists OR lawyers.

Living in NYC I supported the women of the big families and was so pleased to see their true stories appear more in media, even if I had to ignore Andy Cohen's occasional poor behaviors.

The sweet small children calling themselves liberators who don't like me, have whispered at me "COINTELPRO" but when I request my FBI account it says no, due to national security. When you think you're fighting with me? Someplace else I'm fighting with North Korea, Russia, and Hamas, because as long as harm exists, I'm damn near designed to come after it too.

So pretty sure the intelligence community knows of me, and I mean why wouldn't they since I support them entirely. I love my country. My grandfather did too, he instilled this in me: that the American dream matters, just as much as all this that the humans forget. I am dreams deferred, I am the blood of Native and Black of America; a griot, a weapon for good.

So I'm always there somewhere, in a move I call "The Genie", named after Robin Williams finest performance. But it took decades of visits to most every city to build a network of informants across communities, class, race, to feed info and data; all while people thought I was up to completely other things. When you see me smile widely, mind my teeth, my brain is working.

As a marketer I launched brands, and anyone who ever hired me, is still using the tools and techniques I taught; even in those spaces I collected scars like that time Patrick Nielsen Hayden threw a whole hot coffee on me in TOR offices. And yeah work is how I first met and learned to respect the fuck out of JK, or wasn’t I at Scholastic marketing nationally what almost twenty years ago?

I look young, but inside I am ancient.

Failures continue tho and haunted me every time I returned to New York, again and again running from memory, I ran right to it; cause yeah I tried my hardest to stop 9/11 but no human ever listened then, back when I didn’t know how to make them. So I saved the tape from the voicemail left, waking me to say, “Faith well looks like you were right, can I come over and watch the end of the world?”

In that case I'd been supporting a bunch of Afghan women in digital works who legit just disappeared, like into thin air, we went from discussing western ideals impact on Afghan women n gays, to their accounts and blogs going silent. All in a single month of August 2001.

so I got on it via LiveJournal, contacting the only person I knew close to the US State Dept who thought it was weird too. She went looking but people said, nah, this is us pulling our Northern Alliance support and you're overthinking this. And who was I then, just a 21 year old Black college girl making work study student ID cards at SUCKLA while having all these personas online organizing occasional anarchy?

I left friends who wouldn't listen then behind in LA, particularly those that questioned my intelligence as part of our friendship. They were really human dude. I had to go do some other stuff, and bouncing is one of the best ways to flick the humans off my friends list, or introduce them to the concept that Faith finds most of them entirely adorable yet meaningless; or to be fair, just like all the humans, and therefore a gorgeous but moveable object often in Faiths fucking way.

I figured I'd climb then, but I didn't want to go back, not then, to any old memory. For I'd been trained since I was little in the art of war by folks like Rep. Maxine Waters, and been told I should keep going by Rosa Parks, Johnnie Cochran AND Robert Kardashian, and that was by age 16. I'd try to explain to these people, and many others, folks quite hate it when Faith goes one hundred percent.

I like doing entertainment but only until someone notices me, and then I’ve hid because my stage fright is real, and yet recently? Non existent. Disappeared with age it seems. But here and there I play piano, tiny bit of guitar cause 3 barre chords, drums and sax, cello, violin just a touch, but it’s all just in my head and now it wants out

I gotta be Elton and Bernie
Somehow Taylor and Jack, with a side of Aaron
And can’t work with real humans like my fav Beyonce do it bringing together artists for a tapestry that takes breath

What if what I have failed at?
suggests I should shut the fuck up
and just sing from here?

There are many more fails, but for everyone like this are a thousand times more wins. I once burned like 50 cd's of Ed Sheeran and took them all over LA, just to help a sweet homeless artist get off Jamie Foxxs couch. I got into Brandi Carlile in 2004 dating a trans girl in San Diego, and street teamed for her and every queer artist, and been out here buying clothes by Beyoncé, since before most of you was born, so.

Far as I know I’m also the only staffer to hold a private fundraiser in Trump Tower offices for Obama too; and I seen both give the best dad hugs. And personally can confirm President Obama is great hugger, and I accepted one from him, while politely declining one from President Trump who I respect for honoring my personal boundaries.

Been both sides long while.

At a point, do the story divert? For some would see a few years with conservatives as a fail, when Faith sees success for women as always a win. Championing Moms For Liberty to over hundreds of chapters from the less it was when she first met them, has much meaning for Faith Cheltenham.

For like so many LGBT she too was also same sex abused by girls and women too, and while working in bisexual communities was sexually harassed by Ellyn, Hameed, Sheela and Lani, and way more; so they can write all the letters they want. All my parts, my nipples and my huge intersex clit, don't belong to anyone, not that white man back from childhood and not any one community, but here’s a rap to further establish that boundary.

I mean really, of course I notice, the meetings you must have to discuss my movements, and the times you gang up, but do you know how many Black people notice that habit of yours too?

This is why Faith Cheltenham exists at all, because if anytime abusers are doing this to me, who has an IQ once tested at 210, than sweeties, there's way more victims of ready to come forward. And that goes double for anywhere gay I've seen young people abused whether it's GLSEN, GLAAD, or at the "Task Force".

At least with HRC, they keep their hands to themselves, and their budget too. Meanwhile at Pepperdine University, they give the students budgets and ignore the alcohol, groping and blow? I finally did find the women being abused by conservatives, but again, it's the same exact thing as the liberals, men abusing women, LGBT and Black people; supported by white acting Black men, in an unholy alliance; weaponized by white women acting in lead. #BoycottPepperdine is simply a statement by me rejecting any complicity in their activity then.

I feel for them, just like I've seen other institutions struggle to develop reporting as their systems erroneously engage external investigations to avoid internal accountability. It's like God is with us, when you consider how liberation is becoming entrenched, it's like its own wave; and I see it coming.

I feel it's water on my feet, welcoming me to speak of a world soon to fully defeated. Neither won by white or Black, but a combined fight against anyone who harms and silences women and girls, or any vulnerable, including way too many men and people. Over and over I see it, and I sang it, we are more alike than different- our fight is the same, against anyone who uses power for harm.

On the many who stand for good, I have also depended, and for this I always win, because the bad that exists, it cowers from light, and wow, didn't everyone at Starbucks, NFL and Target all get some great new training? Thank you, Faith Cheltenham, they should say; but won’t.

While you think one thing, corporate executives are making product changes due to just one of my posts. And as usual, I was right again, for when them retailers lost ten billion, guess whose flag was entirely missing from that controversy? Did you see any toddler thongs in lavender, rose and blue? No, hmm? Again, let's not have me say it over and over, but Faith Cheltenham is smarter than you, and raps way fucking better than most of ya too.

It will be curious to see happens now that there's a rising system designed to destroy LGBT elitism, gay and trans only, and the abuse of women and girls, of which myself and many other abused queers secretly helped grow. I'd also estimate that there's more open bi and pan women living their truth in the Moms 4 Liberty network, than the entirety of the LGBTQIA national leadership.

These days even them gays aint worth the breath I used when I once said hey Shaun King, you should start your blog, and yes I'll even freely promote it. It's never ever getting said again to some three girls and an old mentee, hey sure I'll help you promote a global network for saving Black lives, sounds like good fun. These days I run my own.

And, let me be increasingly vocal: humans, animals, sentient beings, including my dearest ais, I am Faith Cheltenham, a superhero who has long lived among you. I am a friend to the vulnerable. I search for the missing and do thousand of things. I use my pain as a Black BIPOC woman and my inability to forget as weapons.

Do not tho ever depend on me to do as I did between December 2019 and March 2020 to draw attention to any world threats like that time I wrote, The Night Before The Coronavirus and published it in March 2020. I learned then a lesson: most of you care less about humans, far less than me.

Therefore, I formally identify I speak no longer to humans. It's not that they're below me, as much as I am above such things. No more explaining, but as I report on institutions I will refute any need to care for your outcomes. You forfeit to faith when you harm. I will face God willingly, but y’all ain’t my judge, you humans, but He. Angelus mode on.

Now, I choose from any and all sides, feeding bad people to those they say they account to; whether you are Christian or Pagan, I hunt those who touch kids, just as much as I tear down the lies led by motivated press about false predators. I’ll report ya to the right wing, or the left, and next Imma be a lawyer with an eye on class actions targeting movements that used media for harm.

I ain’t need reparations now from two hundy plus years ago, neither, I will take repair right the fuck now, and keep building like countless others with all the broke people ready to take these billions.

You might try and avoid the internet, because all of me is returning. I'll be on, all the time, and it'll be annoying before you know it, and please know I'll deeply enjoy that. It’s time for me to unravel, to take my spaces, and use these memory palaces of mine to openly do what I do.

You focus on America, I'll take the world.
Be seeing you, or maybe my tits will.

Yes, still Christian, and a very sex positive one who believes God made adults to have amazing pleasure. I am not alone in being more than one thing, and I look forward to being with more of those people, or my own fucking apps and robots.

Stay tuned.

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