Got an award one day at UCLA and had to walk past ProLIFERS with both my parents, my dad who's just shrugging because god knows HE SO DOES NOT WANT to get into a convo about abortion with ME and my mother who was all religious (still is) and didn't want an abortion back in the day (i.e. ME)…so we of course stop at the table so my mom can sign their petition.
I'm like "no thanks" when they paw at me, the chick's like "are you for the death of little babies?" I'm like, "yes, actually". The girl's all taken aback and I tell her, "Well, I once read this theory that a woman should be able to abort a baby up to TWO years after birth…and yeah, that seemed ok." [deadpan] My mom starts laughing and so do I, my mom goes "Faith, you're really sick ya know?" and I turn to the lady as we leave, "It's just that some kids might have a better chance in another life, that's all…" Of course I was getting an award for leadership so I'm not saying I wish I was aborted, but I am a firm believer that kids should be a blessing not a mistaken curse, cause THEY'RE THE ONES WHO GET TO LIVE IT OUT…not the parents. And then they in turn have kids who stand a good chance of getting mistreated…and the wonderful cycle of life goes on. I see abortion as a women's and kid's right issue, but that really goes to my deepest belief that fetus/children do not suffer more than a momentary flash of confusion…vs. a whole lifetime of unwanted ness and perhaps even worse, because I'm pretty sure that most people who don't want to have a baby, THEY REALY DON'T WANT TO BE PREGNANT, hence the abortion. In this society a woman is often her children, there's an unspoken, spoken and even legal bond…and if a woman decides she'd rather not enter into that contract…that's a good thing.
The eruption of the Feminists for Life movement reminds me of a falling out I once had with a few hardcore feminists at a college newsmag…they were discussing an issue's cover art. They hit on the great idea of showing the progression of feminism over the centuries. Swear to god they were like, "So we'll show 2 white women in old-fashioned dress staring out of a window and back at them are 2 people of color feminists smiling" I guess they were attempting to show that the world view of feminism is better than a localized activism. Nah, they prolly weren't. For real they couldn't get it thru their heads that the art could be a diss to all those WOMEN of color in old fashioned clothes, the ones WHO DID AND ALWAYS HAVE EXISTED…the multiple minority who's often the loudest of all because we damn well have to be… I wonder…wouldn't it make more sense for women with slavery heritage to be stridently pro-choice? After so many years of enslavement and loss of that choice…I wonder. Perhaps next time I speak with a worker in the Black Christian Industrial Complex I'll float the theory. "So if the white man was still raping us, wouldn't you want abortion as an option?" Harsh, I know, but why don't we all take a few moments to remember the MANY women who might have pondered this question over the centuries. Nice to have a computer, the nets, and a voice 😉
BEING TRUE TO YOUR IDENTITY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT, BUT SOMETIMES IT'S HARD TO FIND OUT WHAT THAT IS. "Remember when you would go on hikes?", says Faith’s imaginary therapist (F.I.T.)
"I don't like to hike.", replies Faith.
"What if you were on a hike in a beautiful wood, got lost, and you couldn't find the people you came with. What would you do? Would you go look for them?" asks F.I.T.
"For a little while, and then I'd prolly park myself somewhere in a very clear area where they could find me.", says Faith.
"You can't do that with yourself though, can you?", F.I.T. retorts.

Being able to find clues to Christianity's secret love of queers made all the difference in the world to my personal acceptance of Queer consciousness. While I co-chaired BlaQue, UCLA's association for Same Gender Loving Black Folk, I had the opportunity to give a couple seminars on african homosexuality uncovered. For so many who walked in the door though, Christianity was first on their mind. So I developed homophobia workshops for us, helping to point out common histories and lighthouses one could turn to if in need. For years black people would come up to me in West Hollywood and ask where everyone was at. They would come and assume that Weho was just like San Fran or NYC where we call came together in beautiful sexy melting pots. It's gotten better I think, as more African Americans are proudly gay, lesbian, bi and trans.
I returned to school and activism in early 2004, and stayed north of the buildings I had spent so much time in being all activist. I took on the role of silent advisor to those I still knew, but focused more on my studies. My sister’s wedding took much time to plan as well, so I was happy to have something else to organize out of love. I still yearned to educate and so I submitted a workshop proposal for the 2004 conference of the University of California’s Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Intersex Association. As far as I knew there hadn’t been too many undergraduates leading workshops or presenting papers, but the lack of Queer People of Color offerings infuriated me to action. After years of preparing homophobia workshops, biblical truth workshops for the black community, and queer history papers I decided to utilize my knowledge. That the conference was in San Diego and Jamil (now named Mila) would be attending, just a cherry on top. I was nervous, I knew that Kian and other QA’ers would be there and that this would mark a return to the activism path. At the time there had been a few hate crimes against White gay men perpetuated by African American men in West Hollywood. A man had been badly beaten, and there was no response from the African Queer Community. A young girl named Sakia Gunn had been knifed to death for being out in her NJ neighborhood, and there was no response from the African Queer community. I hoped that if I could inspire others to know they were not alone, maybe we could get something started.
The workshop was a rousing success, with many more in attendance than I had imagined. Many of them African American. It was unfortunate that some could not attend as there was a Lesbian of Color workshop taking place at the same time. Stupidly, the conference chairs had scheduled tracks of workshops for: Whites, People of Color, Women, Bi’s/ Trans, Disabled and so on and so forth. So if you happened to be a Black woman of color, all the workshops intended for you were at the same time. It was a flagrant indication of what it means to be disunified; to insist on something for everyone while at the same time making it impossible for them access said resources. For them that came, I hoped they would take on the struggle

The Most Revolutionary: African American Queer History
The Most Revolutionary Workshop Agenda :00 – :04 Introductions :04 – :09 African Homosexuality – Past and Present: Being black and gay ain’t new, we’ll check out some of the history of African queers. :09 – :16 BlaQue and The Bible: Most if not all African Americans in this country grow up with strong ties to “the church” and are often told to reject either their Christian heritage or their sexual orientation/gender identity. This segment traces positive same gender loving ideals from the Bible and exposes the ignorance beyond the hate. :16 – :24 In memory of Sakia: Let’s break into small groups to discuss our own experiences with hate and bigots. Every group should come up with one way to remain safe and proud as young BlaQue folk. :24 – :30 In memory of Sakia group presentations :30 – :40 Yes, Hell No, and It Wasn’t Me: This is essentially a fun and interactive icebreaker that also highlights and educates about BlaQue down low behavior. :40 – :45 Working within the mainstream queer community as a proud BlaQue person—Some ideas to fight racism in the queer community :45 – :50 The Most Revolutionary: What tools does Brother Huey’s letter give to the current BlaQue movement? :50 – :56 The National Black Justice Coalition: Where is Black Queer Leadership and how can we support the movement? :56 – :00 Questions and Comments I needed to find a way to do a homophobia workshop in 5 minutes once. I don't believe its the most effective route, but the poetry slams me and I felt honored to voice it.

THIS LOVE HAS ALWAYS EXISTED (2005) (originally written for the black community, from an African-american queer, performed in under 5 mins) Once was a dude named Saul, in the Bible look him up under Paul. Raised Jew, he made it his business to pursue Christians right after Christ died and left for the sky, he even stood by and watched Stephen, the first "official" martyr die.
But one day on the way to Damascus came a light and the Lord, and he fell to his knees.

Saul, Saul, why do you persecute Me?!!! I am not a threat to the Jews, I fulfill all you hold true.
And Saul was struck blind, yet Paul’s sight was restored!
"… I have no command of the Lord
but I give my opinion
as one who by the Lord's mercy
has been found trustworthy." Jotted down by the apostle who wrote to Rome and told them to stop sleeping with their own sons and little boys, it’s a favorite moment of mine, a time tested version of ultimate conversion, a point I hope will illustrate and illuminate a true existence of love, finding a way to stop hate.

For who can say that gay people today are not by the Lord's mercy, trustworthy? Police profiling, infighting, lack of community kindness, straight people’s license to kill, corporate ill will, crystal meth, a new black death

Many of us have LOVED without even picking up the phone to call home. We have wished we would be asked to tell and survived.
Now, before you get up from your seats and wander away, take a second to consider what change means today, we have internet, millions of books and time to look—seen past sinners become saints: divorcees, Joan of Arc, haters and interracial daters. Didn't know that's an abomination to? According to the Bible only 7 or 8 exist…Interracial marriage was one tossed into the mix, women wearing gold jewelry or men's clothing, check. And now… we come to gay sex.
THAT sex is SO NASTY you say…funny, last time I checked isn't all sex that way? Wasn't your first time a mess of wetness, slapping sounds a mix of pleasure and pain? Isn't all sex the same? Love IS TOO and here we find the righteous and true course. When one loves but cannot say, hey that's my wife after 30 years and many tears… something’s gone horribly wrong, hear?!!!
To not be able to say goodbye before you die? To never feel safe and comfortable in school, to be a lil black boy who's breaking all the rules? I'm telling you, you know who we are. You seen us as kids, see the parents desperately trying to put back the lid, boys a lil too “sweet” or girls too sour…now you see us behind makeup counters shouting “girl power”, we’re the women on softball teams with 10 up, the drag kings holding court, we’ve also got soldiers in every fort! Some of us even become actors, but please believe that being closeted and queer is totally a factor. This Love exists. And biblical examples do too! Coming out to your parents? Another Saul who was never a Paul, once felt deceived by a boy about to be king. I now speak of the union of David and Jonathan, a covenant between two men; a future king and his “best friend”, the son of his biggest enemy? Total queer drama right? Oh sure, yeah maybe they were really just “tight”. But when HIS MAN died, David wept and he cried: “thy love was wonderful, passing the love of women!”. Listen to me, David and Jonathan were MORE THAN JUST KIN! THIS LOVE EXISTED! The past knows this truth, who knows how well, as Brother Huey of the Black Panther Party so eloquently put it, "Quite the contrary, perhaps a homosexual could be the most, revolutionary". They are now never alone as they wait for you: Bayard Rustin who led the March for the Dream with Martin Luther King, Langston Hughes still perched on a crystal stair waiting for YOU to know what it's like to be really disappeared, James Baldwin, up in Giovanni’s room listening to Billie sang queer blues…they turn to tell you this love has always existed. All the way back to African times, where there were women warriors and boy wives before Christ came and was battered into our brains. Don’t get me twisted, I’m not dissing Christ or saying we should give ‘em up. I’m just wondering why no one is listening to the son of god crying out to us from our communion cup?
Love one another! Love one another! Love one another!
It’s never been a riddle, ain’t no missin jot or tittle. He said, I am the vine and you are the branches, so stop leaving your fruit on the tree! So sad, that for some black folk an invisible closet has instead been key. And I’m finally here on the other side, finding it locked, kicking it down, and letting you have it; opening your ears to the tragic w word magic. So speak to your pastors and wonder aloud…ask yourself what to do now. Do it before your son or daughter starts showing the trait and before “your best friend” asks for a date. We can all be delivered if you vote to turn the tide against hate, your voice has much weight so use it and tell others for we are your sons and mothers, brothers and daughters, baby's mamas, sisters, father’s brothers, grandmothers, your baby boys and girls. We are the love that exists. It was by the Lord’s Mercy that I was found trustworthy…and hence suffered and suffered, like Paul I was once even beheaded and put back together…all because one day on the way to Damascus came a light and the Lord, and we fell to our knees.
I am not a threat to you, I only fulfill all you hold true.
I am the love that has always existed.

Recognize the reality of how all the pieces can fit.

On Women's Rights For my entire life I have abhorred my voice. Light like white people from my coastal home town, heavy with emotions of every ancestor of mine that lived, tried and died. I always hated the emotion I could hear reverberating when I spoke, that tremulous frog singing in my throat. Taught to deny emotion, women. To reject it as what separates us from them, the men. I do believe that women are more emotional than men, that it is part of our genetic makeup. I've found that I cry when I am angry, even though I do not feel weak or empty but full of fucking ire. My eyes tear up and I start to sniffle, trying to keep it all in. Women have been taught all their life that this aspect of our human physiology is a main reason for a lack of equality. Unfortunate, because it is a gift. To realize what you feel, and how. So I try very hard to hear my voice as it is; sometimes theatrical, never hysterical.
Hysteria, a definition from Wikipedia
The term originates with the Greek medical term, hysterikos. This referred to a supposed medical condition, peculiar to women, caused by disturbances of the uterus, hystera in Greek. The term hysteria was coined by Hippocrates, who thought that the cause of hysteria was irregular movement of blood from the uterus to the brain. The same general definition, or under the name female hysteria, came into widespread use in the middle and late 19th century to describe what is today generally considered to be sexual dissatisfaction.[1] Typical "treatment" was massage of the patient's genitalia by the physician and later vibrators or water sprays to cause orgasm.[1] By the early 1900s the practice, and usage of the term, had fallen from use, until it was again popularised when the writings of Sigmund Freud became known and influential in Britain and the USA in the 1920s. The Freudian psychoanalytic school of psychology uses its own, somewhat controversial, ways to treat hysteria. The knowledge of hysterical processes was advanced by the work of Jean-Martin Charcot, a French neurologist. However, many now consider hysteria to be a 'legacy diagnosis' (i.e.: a catch-all junk diagnosis),[2] particularly due to its long list of possible manifestations: one Victorian physician catalogued 75 pages of possible symptoms of hysteria and called the list incomplete.[3] References 1. Rachel P. Maines (1999). The Technology of Orgasm: "Hysteria," the Vibrator, and Women's Sexual Satisfaction, The Johns Hopkins University Press: Baltimore. ISBN 0801866464. 2. Mark S. Micale (1993). "On the "Disappearance" of Hysteria: A Study in the Clinical Deconstruction of a Diagnosis". Isis 84: 496-526. 3. Laura Briggs (2000). "The Race of Hysteria: "Overcivilization" and the "Savage" Woman in Late Nineteenth-Century Obsterics and Gynecology". American Quarterly 52: 246-73.