FAITH OPENS HER DOOR TO THE SOUND OF KNOCKING, the wood is splintering from the force of the knock, but there's not really that much sound On the other side of a now nearly broken door stands Morgan Freeman
FAITH
Hi, Um, hello.
From behind Morgan Freeman, a young girl pops out, she's not young at all but moves like she is, nearly dances with every step she takes forward to FAITH.
She shakes her head and FAITH realizes she has a beard, she doesn't really have breasts and she's wearing a T-shirt that says JesusFreak.
GOD
Hi I'm not Morgan Freeman, but he's my favorite actor too. May I come in?
FAITH
You're GOD. I love when Morgan Freeman plays God! Come on in.
GOD
I know!
THEY ALL WALK INTO THE APT and as they go the lights turn on automatically, lights that FAITH doesn't have…it just fills the apartment to from top to bottom.
GOD (CONT'D)
This is my son, Jesus. I just got back into town and I was hoping we could talk in person..
FAITH
With me? I mean why would my hallucinations see fit to come BACK into town?
FAITH cracks her knuckles and NODS towards the JesusFreak.
FAITH (CON'T)
I totally thought She was the hottest chick ever!
FAITH
Gone and went crazy again, crap!
GOD
You're not crazy
From GOD's finger appears light and the score from E.T. rises from another room
FAITH looks to the ceiling and all around looking for the sound
GOD
It's just me.
JESUS
Look, got anything in the fridge? This won't take too long I know and I hate to be rude, but…
GOD turns down the light from his finger and sighs
FAITH Yeah, sure no problem, I just went shopping.
JESUS I know, I'd love a bowl of cereal.
JESUS walks into the kitchen.
GOD
A lot of people think she's a woman, and the truth of the matter is that he isn't not she. I think you already understand some of that tho.
FAITH Right…
GOD It's a good start, from there we'll begin. So look.
From GOD's finger appears light
GOD You know what it means to KNOW, to touch and feel more than most. Knowledge transfers in an instant, a second, a smile, a finger.
GOD touches FAITH
FAITH steps back from GOD a moment later
FAITH
You've been Gone for the last 2000 odd years?!
GOD
Been on vacation, yeah. Wanted to spend some time with my son. I came back for some music but I'm thinking I might stay.
FAITH
Ok so God's been gone for 2000 years and he took Jesus with him too?
GOD
Yes, thats about right, 1,973 years give or take.
GOD Nods shaking his morgan freeman head.
JESUS strolls up, wiping his lips as Cinnamon Life sloshes from a bowl in hand.
JESUS Jesus!, Dad look at this!
JESUS holds a bible.
GOD instantly appears at his side
GOD Ooh, I've been wanting to see that, Is that what it ended up as?
JESUS turns to the end… Both groan.
GOD Oh come on, They had to end with the raving lunatic?!
JESUS scans the pages
JESUS Seems like someone put him on an island
GOD takes the bible from JESUS and turns to the very last page.
GOD
…jot and tittle…What the hell? Literal sons of bitches
JESUS snorts and starts laughing.
FAITH
That's what I've been saying yo, but hold up! Been gone for 1,973 years and just popped back in? I mean so you ARE GOD and he IS JESUS, but you've been on VACATION? (screams)
GOD
We left some angels behind, they've been rather busy with miracles we hear….
JESUS nods
JESUS Big fans of military ironically.
FAITH The military?
JESUS shifts uncomfortably and God narrows his eyes
JESUS
Well, they DO like wars, big supporters of it, since…since forever really. Creates real challenges, miracles in war. Got a bit of a mean streak in 'em, really.
GOD All things in of me, are of me. Including you kid.
GOD hugs JESUS
GOD turns to FAITH
GOD
We've been gone but looking in, I'll admit it took us some time to realize that you weren't going to follow OUR words and thoughts and keep the promise of love.
FAITH
Mind if I have a cigarette?
GOD shakes his head in agreement
GOD
Yes, please, I'll have one too. There's a reason I planted that shit. Pity about cancer, Real shame we'll look into it ASAP.
FAITH bums GOD a smoke
FAITH
I was thinking that might be a possibility.
FAITH and GOD light up and smoke for a small moment. God makes smoke rings that turn into fairies and fantasies and joy, and then sorrow.
JESUS
Always gotta go there, always gotta.
GOD
ALL THINGS!
JESUS
I Got it, I got it, ok?
FAITH
So basically you''re back, ok.
JESUS AND GOD LAUGH WITH EACH OTHER
JESUS (CONT'D)
You're still on that? She is fast, but still human
GOD shrugs
FAITH
But what happens now? What happens to this?
FAITH points to the bible in JESUS' hands, and The Bible flips to Revelations
JESUS giggles
JESUS
Some of this is SO WRONG, but funny ya know?
JESUS turns the pages and closes the Bible
JESUS (CON'T)
No. I suppose you don't.
FAITH
So what happens now?
JESUS and GOD look at each other and smile.
GOD
Lemme have it.
JESUS hands GOD the bible, and GOD produces a pen. It's a astronaut pen, the kind that can write in zero gravity.
GOD turns the Bible to the very last page and puts pen to the blank page opposite. The book seems much larger now and GOD considers the amount of pages left.
GOD
That should do it for now.
GOD (CONT'D)
So sayeth the lord goddess, a good start?
JESUS and FAITH
Yeah, yeah. Why not?
CRUSADE (2001) An ode to Marion Zimmer-Bradley JESUS was in my jacuzzi last night, He sat in the back as I a fool and afloat, sputtered and grinned, rising from ash of all my previously immortal sins. Wrinkled like raisins me and the Kid kicked it, enjoying the steam and I wondered if he'd like to trade places me and him, so he could see what it was like to be a proud feminist pagan black half-dyke who's got the goddess within. We decided to embark on a journey, back to the land where She First Made The Mistake, according to a Super Book that's actually had a lot of give and take.
LET'S HIDE in the grass and watch Me, deciding to bleed, blink and I’ll drop it, so instead it'll be Adam that offers that apple to Eve. Ohhhhhhh! It tastes so crisp and damn juicy golden delicious, when this time the MAN becomes the missus. And now I'M THE FAVORITE, unstained back from battle, truces of tea and cake, never to wake and fear that snake. Less "this trouble" perhaps good works on earth might even double. Or maybe when women rule the world, there will be men who'll chant in MY place asking for a return of THEIR stolen grace.
WHO CAN imagine? A life where Woman did not betray Man? Thorn and Fruit, such precious the power, held tight in this, My holy hour! Loosed and lovingly lost to a different path, I and He now turn the page to a different past. Smoke and fire, burning pyres; thousands of years of death: sink, float or fly, either way back in the day they made bitches like me die! We birthed forth the world and still bleed.
SO JESUS and I walk through millions of pages; we swim through the too many tears that have fallen from female faces. I BEGIN TO SHUDDER AND SHAKE, SUDDENLY I'M REMEMBERING WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO FEAR SNAKES. Just about to take a tumble when at that very moment Her hand steadied the inside of me, holy hell is it possible that Jesus was really a She?!
Sprung from this dream, I awaken, floating in my jacuzzi. Only to the stars then did I whisper this blasphemy: Me, and Jesus and The Goddess makes three–could not this be a holier trinity?
Notes on Crusade:
I began writing this poem in 2001, quite pissed off. I was having major cramps and wasn’t happy to be a woman, just right then. So I decided to chill out in my apartment’s Jacuzzi, shivering as my face remained the only part of a body exposed to the night air. I wished that things had been different, if only He was the one with midnight cramps and blessed gifts of womanly grace.
Over the course of fiddling with this piece my religions have changed, grown and blended into a peaceful pagan existence tempered by strong beliefs in the messages of Jesus Christ, Buddha, The Prophet and The Goddess. My faith is faith, as I am.
And sometimes I like to see what else it can say…